Loving relationships are created by design and not by default. We don’t just wander into a relationship with a partner and expect it to be great. Well, some do and then become very disappointed when the union doesn’t last. And many don’t know why their relationship didn’t work when others’ has. They think it’s because they have the wrong partner.
The Right Partner At The Right Time
But a partner appears in our lives at the right time because they are the best person to help us move forward at that time. That may be by gentle guidance and it may be by manipulation or force
. The message may not be wanted but there is no doubt that clarity is gained
when this happens. It may leave a trail of destruction but not all relationships are meant to last. (I’m actually trying to give you some solace over past toxic relationships here. Glean some wisdom from the chaos.)
When we are privileged to witness a relationship that’s inspiring, fun, uplifting, and has stood the test of time, you can be assured that a lot of work went into forming the foundations. They are solid and built to withstand a few earthquakes throughout the relationship.
We Take Our Baggage With Us
Most people just stumble into a relationship carrying their baggage and they get together with another who has baggage. Life is fine until they unpack those bags. Then the uglies come out. The things they don’t like, the habits that annoy them, the resentment. We don’t spare them anything or hold back. It’s warts and all.
That’s not because we don’t care but because we didn’t unpack our bags before we entered the relationship. We didn’t even take a stocktake to endeavor what we would like to unload and how quickly it would take place. Instead we walked in and dumped the bags, emptied them out and hoped for the best.
Our Default Relationship
This is entering a relationship by default and it’s not very often that these turn into a loving, caring and uplifting or loving relationship, even if they do last for 30 years or more. I once witnessed an anniversary that was taking place of an Italian couple who were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary. Hundreds of people had turned out to celebrate and congratulate them and yet they clearly couldn’t stand each other. They sat side on so they were nearly back to back. There wasn’t much to celebrate here.
I have often heard people in a long term relationship remark that “you get less time for murder”. You see it’s not longevity that counts but quality.
Foundation of Trust
A loving relationship is based on a foundation of trust, love and acceptance. It doesn’t mean we don’t have baggage, we all have baggage. We just don’t unpack it all at once and throw it over the bedroom floor. It’s one emotional item at a time and then we deal with it together. Then another and another.
This makes the foundation of the relationship not only stable but stronger as the emotional weight lifts and the two souls begin to blend and create a strong bond of love.
De-Stabilizing The Relationship
Anything that is resentment, excuses, blame or anger, destabilizes any loving relationship, causing the foundations to decay and eventually crumble.
Take the quiz
to see how solid the foundation of your relationship is, whether past or present. Stay tuned to find out how to design a solid foundation for your future and enjoy love once again. Be yourself, have fun and feel supported.