How to Tip the Scale of Love in your Favor
Love and relationships walk a fine balance
The Scale of Love suggests that when you put something on one side of the scale then the other side tips and needs balancing. Just like any set of scales.
There is a lot invested in your relationships, and that investment is on one side of the scale. You add love, care, interest, devotion, sympathy, and lots of other emotions over the years. The relationship could be with a lover, a friend or a relative (or all of the above).
But if the other side of the scale doesn’t have anything in the bowl, then it’s lopsided and out of balance. Therefore the consequences of this would be feeling drained and defeated in everyday life. Thinking that you give and give with no return.
Love Needs to Be Balanced
So how do you add weight to the other side of the scale?
It’s easy to think that the other side of the scale is filled by another person. With love, caring, validation and friendship from somebody you love, such as a partner, parent, child or even a special friend. So you might conclude that to balance out your scale you need reciprocation. That the other person gives their love, compassion and understanding so that you can feel the balance of what you’re giving. It makes sense, right?
The only thing wrong with this equation is that another person can’t balance YOUR scale, only you can do that. What another gives you may feel good temporarily but what they give, doesn’t actually balance your scale at all because they can only add or take away from their own scale.
This may be difficult to hear but,
The other side of your scale is balanced by what YOU give to YOU
- That’s how you feel about you.
- What you think about your own body,
- How much you love you
- What importance you give to your own attitude
- How enthusiastic you are towards life
- Where you see yourself in the future
So, giving and receiving both come from YOU.
It’s never about what others do or don’t give you.
How did your Scale of Love Get out of Balance?
The reason we think others balance our scale is that we’ve been taught from the year dot that when you do something nice for somebody and they do something nice back, that you’re going to feel good. When the other person gives their love, compassion and understanding, you feel buoyed and alive. And it can happen like that occasionally, but the feeling you get is always temporary.
That’s because when you rely on others to act in a particular way or say a particular thing to bolster your mood, people don’t always comply and therefore you feel depleted when it doesn’t happen.
That’s not balance, it’s what we call a rollercoaster ride.
The Scale of Love Expects you to Feel Great
It’s easy to understand where the deception of relying on others came from. And you are forgiven for thinking that this is the other side of the scale of love when you desperately need to feel good. But, it isn’t. However, the great news is that you don’t need others’ permission to balance your scale and feel loved in your life.
Not needing others’ approval may seem logical but within every single person lays the seeds of needing others’ approval. And when other people endorse you, it fills a gap and seems as though the scales are being filled and balancing out. But they’re not really. This is the secret to relationships.
You’ve conditioned yourself to think that you need others’ endorsement and so you are temporarily filled. But it’s hollow approval because unless you believe this about yourself, you fall flat fairly quickly. So you haven’t balanced the scale. Only YOU can add to the other side of the scale for yourself and that’s actually a really GREAT thing! Because you have control over what you give you.
So the other side of the giving and receiving relationship scale you’re looking for comes from within you. What others give to you is balancing their own scale and we all have scales to balance. Others giving love, joy and compassion to you doesn’t add weight to your side of the scale for long because it balances their scale not yours, so it adds temporary weight to yours but dissipates quickly. The only way that weight is added to yours is by you giving to you. Your nurturing and love for you.
The Receiving Side of your Scale of Love is What You Give to You
To balance out the giving side there needs to be receiving but not receiving from another person, it’s receiving from you. We call this your self-care side. Because the deposits you make on this side of the scale are nurturing, love, care, joy, fun and happiness for you.
And when you tip the balance in favor of self-care and nurturing, life is so much easier. You let go of the struggle and the loneliness. This means you tend to be in the right place at the right time, and that special person comes into your life without you even expecting it. Because when you are receiving self-care, you are in the perfect place to receive love. Not just any love, true love.
Two Different Types of Relationship Scales
We’ll talk about two here.
1. The Giving and Receiving one we spoke about above is important for your health and wellbeing. It’s one that needs to be tended to all year round, just like tending to your garden regularly so the weeds don’t grow. It’s the secret to relationships that love and last.
2. Another Relationship Scale is the Possible and Probable scale.
This is balanced by turning your possibles into probables.
So what’s a Possible and a Probable?
You can have a belief that something is possible but this doesn’t bring it into your life. Something you believe is possible won’t manifest in your life. It has to have weight on the probable side of the scale before it can do that.
For instance: it can be possible that you’ll win the lotto and life will be blissful. However, it’s only a possibility and is just a fleeting thought. It hasn’t developed and doesn’t have any weight. This possibility is also fraught with doubt. As you think, well that would be possible, and it would be great, there are doubts that creep in such as, that’s not going to happen or I’m not lucky enough to win. Therefore, you’ve counteracted the possibility. This is commonly known as wishful thinking.
Everything Begins as a Possibility
However, all things begin as possibilities. It’s when you ponder the thought, flesh it out a bit and add some excitement to it, that it becomes thought-form. This thought-form then begins to grow, with or without you. You get excited at the prospect and spend time in your new world of possibilities, thinking about it day and night. New ideas that support your possibility spring up and you start to take action. It’s beginning to tip the scale from possible to probable. Your thoughts begin to change as you can see a path laid out before you. This is probability.
The Scale is Fluid not Solid
You can waiver from possible to probable often. Even with the one idea. It depends on how established that idea and belief has become as to whether that probable is strong enough to balance the scales.
You see this working in sports matches. When a tennis player believes in themselves and is creating opportunities and scoring well, the opposition tries to keep up. But then the tides turn. Something doesn’t go in their favor and they begin to doubt themselves, that probability of winning wasn’t strong enough to get them through without doubt and so the other side begins to create the opportunities and score. This can go back and forth but it will be the player who is established in their probability that will win.
On your Scale of Love, Everything is Possible
To balance your scale, you begin to explore the possibility and imagine how it could become a part of your life.
In the case of finding your One True Love, you may believe that everything is possible. It’s possible you could find the right partner, you could be happy, you could enjoy life with somebody by your side. They’re all possibilities and they sit on the possibility side of the scale.
To balance this scale out, you need to turn these possibilities into probabilities. Because, until they become probable, they aren’t going to happen. The scale will remain lopsided and out of balance because it’s just wishful thinking.
Tipping the Scale of Love happens Intentionally
So begin to ask yourself where you are on your scale so that you can start to move the weight in your favor. True Love doesn’t happen because people are lucky. It’s because they’ve practiced tipping the scale of love in their favor.
Below we have a scale to help you understand where you are on the scale of turning your possibilities into probabilities. You can use this for everything in your life. But we’ve used it for finding your True Love.
Where on the scale are you? Download your scale here.
Download your Scale of Love here. Find out where you are on the scale. It will help you to understand what’s holding you back from love and how you can move forward.
Are you successful in your career but you can't get this love thing dialed in?
We've designed the Success in Love Self-Care Challenge to:
Boost your Love Magnetism
Tip the Scale of Love in your Favor
Uplevel your Relationships
Find the RIGHT partner
Return to Love
All it takes is 10 Minutes a Day for 7 Days
Who am I?
I’m Gayle Maree, creator of Spiritual-Soulmate, author, mother of 7 and relationships counselor for over 23 years.
Someone once told me (a well-respected mentor) that people need “experts” to find love in their life… and I didn’t believe them.
I thought everybody could do it on their own. I mean, I did. I figured out what didn’t work in my first marriage and then I changed it. Actually, I changed me.
Not because I was trying to impress others or I had something to prove to people who thought I was lousy at relationships, but because there were aspects of me that I didn’t like. I wanted improvements.
And I knew that if I didn’t make changes I could expect more of the same types of relationships. So, I set about what would be a continuous, amazing journey.
My second marriage has been nearly 30 years now and we still work on it, but it’s not the relationship that needs the work, it’s us. It’s me.
Now it’s your turn
This is the same path I used to make the changes that led to a happy. loving relationship and you can use it to find success in love too.