5 Reasons Why you Should Marry Yourself First
If you’re finding it difficult to have successful relationships, in other words, if you’re still on the relationship conveyor belt, then maybe it’s time to marry yourself before you go looking for somebody else.
I know that seems strange. I mean who’s going to keep you warm on a summer’s night? Who’s going to share pizza and laugh over the next comedy reruns?
But just hear me out.
The Person you need to Love Most
The person you need to love and accept the most, is yourself. Because if you don’t love you, how is anybody else going to?
It’s true that most people expect others to love the best of them but not the worst. They expect a partner to love them exactly as they are. When, in reality, you can’t even do that for yourself. I mean when you ate that whole packet of chocolate chip cookies, where is the love? You’re not feeling so loving about yourself now, are you?
So you become very conditional about what you love about yourself and what you judge or try to keep hidden. Your love becomes conditional. If they’re not perfect then you don’t have to be either. But we’re not talking about perfection here.
You see, you may be able to hide the things about yourself that you don’t like from others but there’s no hiding them from yourself. If you’ve been jealous in a relationship before then you may think you’re hiding those tendencies to be jealous. But you’re not. You aren’t hiding them from yourself and you certainly aren’t hiding them from your lover.
Insecurity will seep from your pores and even if they can’t find the words to understand what’s happening, it hangs around like a bad smell. It’s not that you have to say you’re jealous, but it comes out in your cells and flashes like a neon light.
What does your Relationship Neon Light flash?
And jealousy is just an example. Having a NEED to feel loved or wanting to change someone else or not trusting another. These are all traits that need to be transformed BEFORE you enter into a relationship.
Oh, I know, you probably think that it’s their fault because if they didn’t have those traits, if they were trustworthy then you wouldn’t need to worry about them, but it’s the wrong way around. It’s you who’s broadcast for them because it’s in your cells, your vibration. It’s your neon light that flashes for all to see.
So, if you can’t hide this neon light, how do you change it?
The cure is simple. You transform your vibration by loving yourself. Anybody can do this and its really not a matter of if you do it, but a matter of when you practice the art of loving yourself. And then your life begins to shift. The cells offer a different vibration, the neon light changes and you begin to find different people in your life.
What does it mean to marry yourself?
There are 5 transformational reasons why you should marry yourself:
1. It means to make a commitment to yourself that you will always be there. You enter into a relationship with yourself and put a ring on it. According to Tracy McMillan, commit to yourself and realize that nobody else is going to complete you. That you’re the one who needs to complete yourself. In fact, you’re complete all by yourself. The places where you have your biggest challenges are the places that you need to give. So love yourself right where you are.
2. For richer or for poorer, without conditions. You may not be living the millionaire lifestyle you wanted just now. Walk yourself down the aisle exactly where you are.
3. Marry yourself for better or for worse. Most people are willing to love themselves for better but what about if life hasn’t worked out the way you want it to. If you’ve been divorced, feel overweight, failed the diet, haven’t become a New York best selling author and don’t own your own home. It’s a little more difficult to love those things. Those are the inner disappointments that you don’t want others to know about. So love yourself exactly where you are and marry yourself for better and for worse.
4. Marry yourself in sickness and in health and stay no matter what. Forgive yourself for your mistakes. Life doesn’t give you what you ask for but what you need. And if you don’t get it the first time, don’t worry you’ll get an opportunity to get it again and it will get bigger.
Learn how to sit by your own bedside and comfort yourself.
5. When you marry yourself it’s to have and to hold yourself. So you love yourself the way you want somebody to love you.
Let go of the statement: “I’m not whole unless somebody loves me” because you’ll never be whole unless you love yourself. When you do, you’re able to love people right where they are as well. And that extends to everyone. Your kids, your work colleagues, your family, your friends and your partner.
Make the commitment to Marry Yourself
When you commit to marry yourself, your focus changes from ‘do they like me’ to ‘how do I feel about them’?
How can I help others? When you date, it’s how can you discover another person? When you focus on how you feel on the date, rather than whether they like you or not, then you’re on track. And you know what, it doesn’t even matter whether they like you or not, because you love you, just the way you are.
Don’t look for security from another person, that’s something you need to give yourself.
Instead, become married to the only person you really want to be with, yourself.
Create a ceremony and do this. Download a sample of your vows.
Get your ceremony happening. Download the Marry Yourself vows here and create your setting. You don’t need witnesses or an expensive dress. Just make the commitment and do it.
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Who am I?
I’m Gayle Maree, creator of Spiritual-Soulmate, author, mother of 7 and relationships counselor for over 23 years.
Someone once told me (a well-respected mentor) that people need “experts” to find love in their life… and I didn’t believe them.
I thought everybody could do it on their own. I mean, I did. I figured out what didn’t work in my first marriage and then I changed it. Actually, I changed me.
Not because I was trying to impress others or I had something to prove to people who thought I was lousy at relationships, but because there were aspects of me that I didn’t like. I wanted improvements.
And I knew that if I didn’t make changes I could expect more of the same types of relationships. So, I set about what would be a continuous, amazing journey.
My second marriage has been nearly 30 years now and we still work on it, but it’s not the relationship that needs the work, it’s us. It’s me.
Now it’s your turn
This is the same path I used to make the changes that led to a happy. loving relationship and you can use it to find success in love too.
