10 Early Warning Signs Of A Relationship Breakdown
The Value of Being Together
Both as individuals and as a couple we are diverse. We don’t get together because we are the same, but because we compliment each other. People bring different perspectives, traits and issues to a relationship. That’s not because we’re wanting to sabotage the relationship or make the other person change (even though there may be some of that), but because we don’t know any differently.
We Are All Different
What attracted you to your partner may have been strengths such as – great cooking, their sense of humor, good sex, getting on well with your family and friends – but that doesn’t mean we like their taste in music, enjoy the football or even play computer games. It’s not because of our differences that we experience conflict in relationships, but because of our intolerances.
There are always ways to handle conflict so that it doesn’t become destructive to either party. But when one or the other doesn’t want to find a solution, but to blame the other, we find a relationship breakdown imminent. However, conflict isn’t the only cause of a relationship breakdown.
With a partner who is narcissistic or who gaslights, it doesn’t matter how hard we try, we will never get it right. These partners have a vested interest in us not feeling good as it destabilizes any self-esteem that would separate us from their control. To justify this rift we’re told they aren’t good for us and don’t like him. (Which is probably true because family and friends see through this guise.) This is a method of destabilization and a MAJOR red flag, one we should never make excuses for. EVEN IN OUR OWN HEADS!
Relationships Can Become Stronger
Relationships can actually become stronger if partners can talk about differences and stresses as balanced human beings. That means actively listening, caring about another’s perspective and finding a solution. Conflict can be resolved and any serious matters dealt with in a caring manner. When we respect ourselves, we have respectful communication. We’re happy to compromise because it’s about US and not me or you.
However, frequent conflict indicates that all is not well with the relationship. (No, it’s not normal to fight a lot.) Either one partner has heavy stress that they can’t relieve or share, or they are focused far away. Conflict is merely a symptom. Agreeing not to discuss the underlying elephant in the room, may work for short-term peace but it’s not sustainable. The elephant will still be there.
Here are 10 Warning Signs of a Relationship Breakdown
- You spend more time apart. More than before.
- You argue about the same things, over and over again
- You are dissatisfied and looking elsewhere for happiness
- Somebody’s expectations are unreasonable and exceptionally high
- You don’t find each other physically attractive anymore
- There is a loss of TRUST and respect and one of you speaks of no longer being in love
- Arguments about the children are constant
- Someone has an addiction problem
- One of you takes up hobbies that don’t interest the other and separates you
- You often find yourself either looking for a shoulder to cry on or blaming the other
If you have some (a collection) of these signs in your relationship then it’s time to decide whether you want to get help or to dissolve the partnership. There is nothing more destructive than holding on to a relationship that is toxic. And if left untethered, these signs will become nasty. The warning signs aren’t about failure or not trying hard enough. They aren’t about being someone’s fault, they are natural signs of incompatibility.
There Are ALWAYS Choices!
There are many choices. Linger on, forgive and try-to-forget, stay for the sake of the kids, hate each other, keep going the way you are. But there are two choices in this situation. Either take on some relationship counseling (I advise individual counseling first) or dissolve the relationship.
Caught early enough, you can prevent the spread of any emotional disease that can turn cancerous and destroy any type of relationship for many years to come. And you DO want a relationship if there are kids or businesses involved, just not a romantic one. So protect the kids, protect yourself and let go of the animosity. It may sound severe, but long, costly breakups take their toll on more than just finances.
Your kids deserve the best of you and the only way you can give them that is to feel good about yourself. You deserve to feel free and you deserve to attract a caring, loving relationship that supports and uplifts you. If this one doesn’t fill these needs, maybe it’s time to let it go.
About Gayle Maree
Gayle believes that the story of everyone's relationship can be improved. Most people are not as happy and fulfilled as they’d like to be. She writes, thinks, and speaks about shedding limiting beliefs so that women can feel the freedom to shine.
Overcoming decades of limiting beliefs and anxiety was a catalyst for becoming a Spiritual Counselor over 20 years ago.
People are attracted to Gayle for the high energy, intuitive insights and deep wisdom; and for the powerful transformation, they gain through her programs.
Are you ready to close the door on the past and move forward with confidence to begin to love again?